BLACKEST SWAN
by eternaldespair'and numbness
Summary: bella dies in twlight.edward leaves.bellas twin sister phoenix comes to town.how will the cullens react?how will edward when he gets back? what is phoenix hiding? what happend that they were separated? WHAT REALLY HAPPEND TO BELLA? language and lemonS
1. prologue

"You don't even _know_ me!" he hissed in my face. I couldn't help but feel slightly turned on by this. Even though his grip around my wrist was suppose to hurt it did nothing but arouse me.

"I _know_ more about you than you think Edward." I said coolly. Trying desperately to hold back a moan.

I continued. "I know you were never the same after Izzy died. I know you hate that I'm the spitting image of what you lost. You avoid everyone that cares about you because you can't take their constant pity. You have a different whore in your room every night just so you don't have to be alone. Just so you don't have to deal with reality." His grip loosened on my wrist as he slowly backed away from me. Never breaking eye contact with me.

"You don't know what your talking about Phoenix." Edward said. Barely audible for me to hear. I couldn't help but feel somewhat bad for him. I could see all the emotions flash across his eyes. Anger, self-hate, pity……hurt. But I couldn't help but be a bitch. His ignorance of the obvious was pissing me off.

I snorted.

"Wow it must be fun swimming in denial" I said sarcastically.

Edwards features hardened and his eyes glazed over with fury. "What about you?" he said calmly. Too calmly. "What about me?" I shrugged indifferently. I wasn't really sure where he was going with this, but I had a feeling I wasn't going to like it. He laughed humorlessly. "Now look who's in denial." He said as walked slowly towards me. "Phoenix what exactly happened to you that you are so bitter about?" he questioned.

I froze.


	2. going 'home'

'Ugh Forks, Washington here I come' I thought bitterly to myself as I boarded the plane. And to think I used to love that place. I used to love the damp air coating my face with a thin layer of moisture. Walking on the trails around the house in the summer time. But now whenever I think about it my stomach churns in disgust. I know what you're thinking, why am I going back? Well my sister died a couple months back and now my father wants me to come home. I laughed to myself. If home is what you want to call it. I can't believe I actually agreed to come back. I know Charlie only wants me to come back because in a way he'll get Izzy back. What do I mean? Well, me and Isabella are sisters. Identical twin sisters.

Growing up me and Izzy were inseparable. We did everything together. There was never a moment when we weren't together. That is up until Charlie sent me away. For now lets just say I was 'bad'. Charlie believed I was a danger to him and Izzy after what happened. He had the first part right but I would never hurtIzzy. She was what kept me sane in that house. Her love is what kept me going. Izzy was the reason all this happened. That _witch_ was planning to do the same thing to her that she did to me. I couldn't let that happen. I _didn't_ let that happen. I loved her more than anything and she loved me. Well at least that's what I thought.

After I left I must've written over a hundred letters to Izzy. I never got a single one back. No phone call no e-mail nothing. I tried to convince myself that their was a good reason for her not writing. But as time went on the more bitter and angry I became. I felt betrayed and abandoned. That unconditional love I felt for her turned into a deep seeded hatred. But at the same time I still loved her. I never lost hope that one day I would see her again. That is until she died.

Its funny though because I knew she was dead before anyone even told me. I can't explain how I knew but I just remember waking up one day and feeling an agonizing pain in my chest. Like someone punched a huge hole right through me. My boyfriend told me it was just an after effect of taking too many of those pills he gave me. But I knew better. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Later on that day I got a phone call from my friend Jacob back in Forks. The only one that even bothered to keep in contact with me. Any other day I would've been thrilled to hear from him. But that day I wished I never picked up the phone.

(_FLASHBACK) 4 months ago…………_

_I was just getting out of the shower when the phone started to ring. I wasn't even going to answer it but for whatever reason I did._

"_Hello." I answered._

"_Hi is Phoenix home?" the voice asked._

"_Yes this is she."_

"_Nix its Jacob."_

"_Jake?" I said shocked. I couldn't believe this was the same Jake I talked to 2 weeks ago. His voice was so boyish then. Now he sounds like a grown man. Wow puberty hit him hard. And he's only 15._

"_Yeah it's me. Listen Nix I have to tell you something." He said in a pain laced voice._

"_What happened Jake is it Izzy?" I said in a panicked voice. `Please say no. Please say no.' I thought to myself._

_Their was a long pause. I was hoping it was because he thought it was stupid of me to think that. I was hoping it was something about him. Maybe he lost his virginity or something. Or maybe he had a fight with Billie. Fuck I don't give a shit what he tells me just don't let it be about Izzy. My last thought was shattered to pieces by his next words._

"_Nix listen I'm so sorry…but… she's gone…Bella's dead!" he cried out._

_With those last two words went what little sanity I had left. _

_(END)_

_`We are now landing in Forks, Washington. Please buckle your seatbelts and remain in your seats until we land. Thank you for your cooperation.' _The flight attendant said, interrupting my thoughts. That I was thankful for. I was already depressed I didn't need to make it worse. Doesn't matter anyway I don't really remember what happened after that. I vaguely remember falling to the floor and just rocking back and forth saying `she's gone' over and over. I was never the same after that. The little sense of self-preservation I had was gone. I won't go as far as to say I'm suicidal, even though I've tried before…. I subconsciously rubbed the scar on my wrist… I just don't care about living.


	3. prick

**So how am I doing so far people? Please review and let me know I want to make sure I'm doing okay. This is my first fanfic so if u guys think I suck a little it's okay. I would like it if you gave me a few ideas for future chapters also**

**Just because I have to say this…. I don't own twilight or any of the characters except for Phoenix.**

After getting off the plane and receiving all my luggage I started to look for Charlie in the crowd. I didn't see him. I walked around a little to see if I could find him somewhere but I didn't. I sighed in annoyance. Not that I'm really surprised or anything. Charlie was never on time for anything. Well, never on time for anything retaining to me anyway. He even missed me being born. `_I was caught up in traffic` _he once told me, but somehow managed to get to the hospital just as Izzy was born. Which was literally 20 seconds later. _Asshole_. My whole life I wondered if Charlie ever loved me. I wonder what did he feel when he looked at me. Did he feel the same love and adoration as he did with Izzy? Or was it just a cold and passive indifference? I mentally slapped myself as for that was a dumb question to ask myself.

"Duh." I said out loud. If Charlie loved me even an ounce of the way he loved Izzy he would've never sent me away. As for _her_ mother Renée… don't even get me started on that bitch

"NIXIE!" I heard someone scream. I spun in circles trying to find the who it was. My eyes landed on this tan-skinned boy. He was at least six feet tall and had bulging muscles. Just begging to rip out of that black shirt he was sporting. He started to walk towards me. It was then that I actually looked at his face. Jacob? I started to walk to close the rest of the gap between us. Once we were standing face to face I couldn't help but stare at him in disbelief. Was this the same puny little kid I used to beat the shit out of when we were little? I was about to say something but before I could Jake grabbed me and engulfed me in this bone crushing hug. "I've missed you so much Nix"…. His grip tightened around me as he spoke…. "You have no idea." He finished. My heart swelled with joy as he spoke. I knew he wasn't lying. I knew Jake loved me and I loved him. He was the only one who was there for me when everyone else abandoned me.

"I've missed you to Jake." I whispered in his ear. We stood there for a long while. I was in no hurry to break away from him. I've waited so long to feel like I was loved in some way by someone. I wasn't about to rush it. When we finally broke apart I couldn't help but look his body over again.

"Jesus Jake you're fucking hot!" was all I could say.

He laughed. "Yeah well your not so bad looking yourself."

I snorted. "Well I see you haven't changed too much. Your still the same ass you were when I left." The expression on his face was priceless. Now it was my turn to laugh. `Yeah still the same Jake` I thought to myself. He never could take a joke.

" I'm kidding Jake." I said through my laughter.

His face softened a little. "I knew that." He said.

"Right sure you did." I said. My voice dripping with sarcasm. We started to make our way out of the airport.

"Anyway….what are you doing here?" Even though I was glad to see Jake I wasn't expecting to see him here. I thought Charlie was suppose to come and get me. "Charlie sent me to pick you up." He said simply. I stopped dead in my tracks. Red filled my vision as the anger was building. He begged me to come out here and he didn't even have the decency to come and pick me up. It was starting already. I was visibly shaking now, Jake must've noticed because he put a hand on my shoulder. "Whoa Nix calm down, he got caught up at work." He said rather concerned by my sudden mood change. I laughed humorlessly. He really has everyone fooled. He did this shit on purpose.

"That translates into he doesn't care Jake!" I hissed. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and brushed passed him. I felt a little bad about snapping at Jake, but dammit I can't stand it when people defend him. Everyone bows to his feet just because he's the chief of police. `Well everyone in Forks let me be the first to tell you your precious chief of police is a manipulative prick` I thought bitterly. I wanted to say it out loud but I didn't want to seem like a nutcase. No that I really gave a shit about what anyone thought of me, but I'm not trying to be committed. Well I should say I don't want to be committed _again._ Trust me when I tell you….. It's no fun. I remember the day they came for me.

It was two days after the _incident _and instead of juvie Charlie thought it was more appropriate to send me to an insane asylum. Being that I was a `disturbed child` and all.

_(FLASHBACK) 10 years ago………_

"_No!" I yelled as they forced me in a strait jacket. Well at least they were trying to. But I wasn't going down without a fight. I wasn't crazy. I didn't do what I did out of insanity, I was completely sane. It was an accident. I just wanted to keep her from hurting Izzy the way she's been hurting me for the past 2 years. Izzy wasn't like me. She didn't have the mentality to deal with the things I've been dealing with for so long. All it would've taken was one time and she would be the one being put in a strait jacket. I wasn't going to let that happen. So I did what I had to do. The way I did it was a little shocking I'll admit, which is why Charlie had to change they story a little bit, but it wasn't grounds to be put in a mental asylum. Now that I think about it, who the hell would put a 7 year old in a place like that anyway? Who would want a kid in a place like that? My prick of a father that's who._

"_They're hurting her!" I heard my sister scream. "Make them stop daddy please!" she begged._

_I then heard my father say, "I wish I could but I can't Bella honey." He said feigning hurt. "Your sister is very sick and she needs help" he finished._

"_LIAR!!!!!" I screamed as I continued to thrash in the two men's arms._

"_Jesus this isn't going to work, this one is insanely strong." One man said._

"_Yeah your right we have to sedate her" the other man said. _

_That last statement sent me into overdrive. I kicked and screamed more than I did before. "No! No! No!" I screamed frantically. My body ached from all the thrashing but I didn't care. "Mr. Swan can you hold her legs please?" the taller one said. He quickly obliged their request. `This is it` I thought to myself as I felt the needle prick my arm. A couple of seconds later my eyelids were getting heavy. I could here muffled talking amongst the adults. But the one person that was on my mind was Izzy. I scanned the room for her and finally my eyes landed on her tear stained face._

"_I love you Izzy." Was the last thing I said before sleep took over._

_(END)_

I spent 2 years of my life in that shit hole. Two long years of endless therapy sessions, prescriptions, perverted orderlies, and shock therapy. It was pure hell. They released with a clean bill of health. Personally I think I left that place more fucked up then when I went in. Since then I've been living with a distant cousin out in Denali, Alaska. Who's a complete ass as well.

"Nix wait up!" I heard Jake call after me.

I didn't turn to look at him I just stopped walking.

"Jake can we just go please." I said pathetically as he came behind me.

He let out a frustrated sigh. Without a word he lead me out the door and to his car


	4. imprinting and lies

**This chapter starts off in Phoenix's POV then finishes in Jacobs. I know I haven't described what Phoenix looked like yet so I did so in this chapter. Just to let you guys know ahead of time she doesn't look exactly like Bella and she's nothing like her. The relationship that will develop between her and Edward wouldn't have been believable if I did. (Reviews would be appreciated)**

I hadn't spoken a word to Jake since we left the airport. He tried to speak to me but I wasn't really listening to him. I was too busy being lost in my own thoughts. Something wasn't right. The moment we passed the `Welcome to Forks` sign, I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Even with Jake. I was happy to see him in the beginning, but now I have this unsettling feeling that something's wrong. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him stealing glances of me. They would only last for a few seconds but in those few seconds his eyes looked almost guilty. Guilty about what though?

I chuckled to myself.

Could I be anymore paranoid than I am right now? I haven't seen Jake in over 10 years and I think he's hiding something me. Wow, I really need to get a grip on myself. Jake loves me he wouldn't hurt me by hiding something form me. I know he wouldn't. Would he? '_Stop it Phoenix!' _My inner voice screamed. `_Jake has always been there for you whenever you needed him. Day or night it didn't matter. And this is how you repay him? By accusing him of hiding something just because he looked at you funny. Jesus Phoenix keep this up and you're going to lose him.' _The inner voice wasright. What the am I thinking?! Jake is all that I have and hear I am being suspicious of him. I can't lose Jake. Maybe I'm just getting nervous about seeing Charlie again. Yeah that's it, just some last minute jitters. I kept repeating that over in my head but it didn't help. I still I didn't feel right.

**(JPOV)**

When Charlie asked me to pick Nixie up at the airport I was excited. I'm glad that I would be the first to see her. Not only that but it would give me the chance to be with her alone. We would be able to catch up. It will be just like old times. Well except for one thing…Bells won't be there this time. As I was making my way to the airport I started to become a little nervous. I had a sudden epiphany. Will it be weird to see Phoenix again? I mean after all they are identical. I hope I don't freak out and make her uncomfortable. I have to make her stay here as painless as possible. I owe her that much. I mean after all I did take her only reason for living away from her.

My heart clenched as I thought of her.

Why couldn't she have just listened when I told her I was better for her?

If only she had chosen me instead of that fucking leech this would've never happened! She wouldn't be dead. Bella would be safe and secure in my arms, not 6 feet under. But no, she just couldn't get enough of that cold-hearted bloodsucker. Which pissed off a few people.

"Dammit Bella, why did you do this to yourself?!" I screamed as I hit the wheel.

The more I thought about it the angrier I became. My body started shaking as I was threatening to phase. 'Breath Jake. You can't do this not here, not now.' I coaxed myself as I pulled into the airport. It took me a good 10 minutes to regain complete control.

"Shit I'm late" I realized.

I hoped out the car and made my way inside. I didn't have a clue as to which terminal she was coming out of so I was pretty much winging it. I searched for about 20 minutes before my eyes lay on this pale jet black beauty. She looked just like Bella except for a few things. For one, unlike Bella's mahogany locks that stopped at her waist, her hair was jet black and fell down to her ass with a section of hair that covered the right side of her face. The eye that I could see was a deep purple with gold flakes, unlike Bella's milk chocolate ones. And her body was more defined. Her hips were wider and her breasts were fuller. She was beautiful.

Phoenix was beautiful.

The more I studied her I noticed she seemed pissed about something. Then it hit me, I was suppose to be here 20 minutes age. That's probably why she looks so disturbed.

I snorted. Phoenix never was the patient type

"NIXIE!!" I yelled to get her attention.

She froze in place and spun in circles trying to locate me. When her eyes locked with mine something happened. In that moment there was nothing but me and her in the room. My heart picked up it's pace and I started to sweat. For the first time I felt complete. My heart soared as I took her in, because everything I am, and everything I'll ever be, will be because of her and her alone. She defines me. I will never be able to be without her. Now that I think about it, I can't believe I went this long without her. I will never let her go. Never….she's mine.

So this is what imprinting is like.

Nix looked as if she didn't recognize me. Like I was some sort of stranger. But then again she hasn't seen me in over 10 years. And thanks to my wolf genes I didn't look like the same puny little boy she used to terrorize when we were kids.

I started to make my way towards her through the crowd. The closer I got the more I ached for her touch. I needed to feel her. I needed to own her. She started making her to me to close the distance between us. We stopped in front of each other and just kept staring. Taking our time too look over one another. She was the first to make an attempt to break the silence between us. But I didn't give her a chance, for I engulfed her in the tightest hug I could manage without hurting her. Once we touched my already hot skin instantly became hotter. Her skin was so smooth and soft. I buried my face into her hair and inhaled. She smelled so good.

"I've missed you so much Nix." I said as my grip tightened around her. I wanted, no, needed us to be closer, if that was even possibly. "You have no idea." I finished.

"I've missed you too Jake." She whispered in my ear.

Her voice has never been so beautiful than in that moment.

We stood there for god knows how long entwined together. Not that I was complaining or anything. I could stand like this forever if it were possible.

Nix was the one to break the bond. She looked me up and down in disbelief and scoffed.

"Jesus Jake your fucking hot!" She said.

I laughed. "Your not so bad looking yourself." I shot back. Not bad looking was an understatement. She was the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. But I couldn't say that. At least not right now. I don't want her to feel weird or anything. I have to play my cards right if I want this to work. Which shouldn't take long being that I imprinted on her. She should already feel drawn to me.

She snorted. "Well I see you haven't changed much. Your still the same ass you were when I left" She said annoyed.

I couldn't hide the surprise on my face. 'Okay maybe she isn't drawn to me the way I thought' I thought to myself. As I was thinking that I wave of hurt came over me. What will I do if she doesn't want me that way? Will I be able to be just her friend? Will I be able to watch her date other guys? Watch them touch or kiss her? 'HELL NO!!!!!' I screamed in my head. That's not an option. She has to want me, she just has to. She's mine.

Nix let out a laugh, ripping me from my thoughts.

"I'm kidding Jake." She said through her laughter.

I was instantly relieved. I should've known. Nix always got to me that way. She knew I couldn't take a joke.

"I knew that I." I responded, trying to play it down.

"Right sure you did." Sarcasm evident in her voice.

"Anyway…..what are you doing here?" She asked curiously.

"Charlie sent me to pick you up." I retorted.

Big mistake.

Phoenix stopped cold and her face turned a bright red. Her eyes filled with fury. She was visibly shaking, almost like me when I get ready to phase. "Phoenix?" I said. But I doubt she heard me. Her hands clenched into fist as her chest heaved up and down. I could've sworn her eyes flashed black. WHAT THE HELL!!! My hand shot up to her shoulder as the panic took over. "Whoa Nix calm down, he got caught up at work" I said quickly.

Her eyes snapped up to mine. I swear if looks could kill I would be dead.

"That translates into he doesn't care Jake!" She hissed at me, as she shook my hand off and walked away. I would've tried to stop her but I didn't. I figured she would come back being that she didn't know where the car was. But knowing Nixie she was too mad to care. I don't understand what it is she has against Charlie. He was just trying to help her. Okay, granted breaking off all contact with her was a little…..harsh, but he says he regrets it. Phoenix should forgive him or at least try to.

"Nix wait up!" I called as I ran to catch her. She didn't even look at me.

"Jake can we please just go." She pleaded.

I let out a sigh and quietly showed her the way to my car.

The whole way home, Phoenix wouldn't even look at me. I tried to get her to talk to me, but it didn't even seem like she was listening. Eventually I just gave up. But I didn't stop staring at her. The more I looked at her, the more guilt I felt. I've never regretted what I did more than in that moment. I was part of the reason why she was like this. But at the same time if it didn't happen Phoenix would've never came back. Charlie never would've wanted Nix to come back. I would've never imprinted on her. This love I feel for her would have ceased to exist. Not that the fact that I love her will matter when she finds out what I've done. She'll hate me.

My guilt suddenly turned into fear.

No.

That won't happen. I will never let her find out. If it's the last thing I do she will never know.

Phoenix Swan, the love of my life, will never know that I, Jacob Black, killed her sister.


	5. house of hell

**In this chapter you'll kind get a sense of the relationship between Charlie and Phoenix. It's anything but pleasant. I'm not going too deep into detail but you'll get an idea of how it all started between the two of them. Also it will begin a more intimate relationship between Jake and Phoenix. But it's not what you think. (Don't forget to review)**

When we pulled up to Charlie's house I didn't get out of the car right away. Not from nerves, but from dread. Knowing Charlie he's going to put on this big show in front of Jake claiming how much he missed me and how he wants us to make up for lost time. Knowing Jake he's going to eat that shit up. And I'm going to look like the ass because knowing myself I'll be anything but pleasant. It's always gone down like that between me and Charlie. When he and Renée would have guest over he would do or say something to set me off and make me look like I was a just another delinquent in the making. And it worked like a charm every time. Charlie knew exactly how to push me over the edge. But I remember one particular time he pushed me a little too far.

_(Flashback)………10 years ago_

_It was a rainy Sunday evening and me and Izzy were getting ready for one of Charlie and Renée's dinner parties. They always liked to dress me and Izzy in identical clothing during these times. That night we had to wear these white silk dresses with long sleeves. I hated long sleeves but Renée insisted that we look the best in long sleeves. Personally, I think she did that to hide the bruise I had on my arm. Even though all I had to do was tell the people that were coming that I fell down the stairs if anyone asked. (Which was only half true, I had some help down those stairs) But knowing myself, I would've told them the truth. Not that they would've believed me, I just enjoyed watching Renée squirm. True I would pay for it later but it was worth it. After we got dressed we had our hair done. Izzy wanted her hair down like always but I opted for the pin-up. It showed off my then pure purple eyes._** (Note: her eyes didn't always have gold in them.) **

_When we were finished with our hair I started out of the room, but Izzy stopped me._

"_What is it Izzy?" I asked already annoyed. I knew what she was going to say._

"_Nix I'm begging you; don't do anything you'll regret later." She pleaded with me._

_I chuckled._

"_Izzy you've known me all your life, so you should know I never say or do anything I regret." I said, now serious._

_She sighed._

"_Nix I'm serious." Her eyes were now tearing. _

_I groaned _

"_Oh come on don't start with the whole crying thing now"………I hated it when she was like that. I shouldn't have made a joke out of it. But at the same time it was the only way I knew how to deal with the situation. I was never good at showing my emotions. I was good at hiding everything. But Izzy knew better, she knew how I really felt. She just could never get me to admit it. She continued to sob as I took her in my arms……_

"_Shhhhh Izzy it's okay, I promise I'm fine." I tried coaxing her._

_It didn't work._

"_No (sob) you're not (sob) I (sob) hear you cry (sob) yourself (sob) to sleep at night (sob)." She said between sobs. My eyes widened in shock. Even though I and Izzy were twins we always had separate rooms._

"_How do you know that?" _

_She fell silent._

"_Izzy……I said in a warning tone……how do you know that?" I repeated._

"_PHOENIX!!" I heard Charlie call for me._

_Ugh what does he want?_

"_COMING!!" I yelled back._

_I looked back at Izzy. She looked a little worried._

_I gave her the warmest smile I could muster and said, "Don't worry he probably just wants to go over the rules for tonight." I gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and headed for the door. "Oh and one more thing." I said as I turned to look at her. "Clean yourself up, we don't want you to ruin that pretty face before the party now would we?" she laughed as I gave her a wink and left the room._

_Making my way downstairs I was met by a little too giddy Charlie._

"_What is it father?" I said in a bored tone._

_He held out his hand to help me the rest of the way down._

_I ignored it._

"_I just wanted to let you know that we're going to do tonight a little differently." He beamed._

"_Oh really?!" I said feigning excitement. On the outside I was being a smartass, but on the inside I was shaking with fear. I didn't like any of his games. They always had some sick twist to them._

"_Well my dear daughter, I only have one question for you………how much do you love your sister?" he said._

_I froze._

"_What does that have to do with tonight?" I asked now frightened._

_He sighed. "Well, to be honest playing this game with you has gotten a little boring. And I wanted to spice it up a little." I said in a too happy tone._

_I didn't know how to respond to that, so I called his bluff._

"_You wouldn't dare do anything to Izzy." I said. Honestly trying to convince myself more then anything._

_He laughed menacingly._

"_You're absolutely right; I wouldn't do anything to my little Bella." He confirmed._

_I let out a breath of relief._

"_If anything it's you who's a danger to her." He added with a smile._

_(End of flashback)_

**(NOTE: Don't get mad or anything but I going to leave the flashback at a cliffhanger because if I don't it will ruin the whole story. Plus I just felt like being a little mean. But I promise it will be worth the wait.)**

"Phoenix!" I heard Jake yell

"What?" I said coming out of my trance.

"I said we're here." He repeated.

I snorted.

"Yeah I kind of figured that out when we stopped in front of the house I spent ¼ of my seventeen years Jake." I snapped at him. I regretted it almost instantly. I wasn't really angry with Jake. I was angry at the fact that I put myself in this position. That I'm not only reopening barely healed wounds, but rubbing salt in them as well. I shouldn't have come back. But it's not like I have a choice. It's either this or I end up on the streets. My cousin said I was becoming a handful and she was kicking me out. Which I didn't really understand because I was doing the same thing she was doing. Hell we were doing it together. The drugs, the parties, the men, everything. It's not my fault her boyfriend tried to sleep with me. But according to her it was my fault. Anyway when Charlie called me I automatically jumped at the offer not thinking about what kind of effect it would have on my already failing psyche. But now that I know, the streets are sounding good to me right about now.

"Look I'm sorry Jake." I said, looking at anything but him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Its okay, I know you didn't mean. You're just a little anxious about seeing your father after all these years.

I laughed humorlessly. If anxious is what you want to call it.

"Yeah, don't remind me." I said bitterly.

Jake must've sensed my hostility.

"Nix please don't do or say anything you'll regret." He pleaded.

I winced at his choice of words. It was almost as if I was talking to Izzy. She said the same thing in almost the same tone that faithful day. I quickly shook the thought out of my head.

I looked him dead in his eyes.

"I'm going to say the same thing I said to Izzy, to you, when have I ever done or said anything I regretted later on?"

His eyes widened in shock.

"You can't be serious."

When I didn't answer he continued.

"No, you don't mean that. You can't possibly!" he said now alarmed.

I raised a brow. "Don't I?" I said coldly.

There was a long pause.

I already knew what he was referring to. The very thing that brought me to this point. But still my answer was the same. I said it was an accident; I never said I regretted what happened. I know that sounds horrible but honestly, how can I? How can I regret saving my sister? How can people expect me to regret giving her a chance at a real life?

I can't so therefore, no regrets.

But I'll tell Jake what he wants to hear anyway.

"Except that" I said finally.

He relaxed a little.

"For a second there I thought you were heartless."

I knew he was joking, but still there was a hint of seriousness in his voice. But I ignored him.

'Well it's now or never' I thought.

I took a deep breath and opened the car door. As I was getting out Jake grabbed my arm. I turned to look at him.

"Promise me." He demanded.

"Promise you what?" I asked, playing stupid

"You know what I'm talking about Nix." Jake stated slightly annoyed.

"Okay Jake I won't fucking do anything...jesus!" I exclaimed in a rush. He let go of my arm and I got out of the car. I meant it I wasn't going to do anything. But I didn't promise I wouldn't say anything

"Or say anything Phoenix!" he yelled out the window.

Shit, I was hoping he didn't catch that. I swear sometimes I think he can read my mind.

"Okay _dad._"I retorted.

I started up the walkway then stopped. I realized I was just seconds away from coming face to face with my father. Suddenly I was overcome by this familiar feeling. I felt an indifference to the situation that was about to unfold. I felt no pain, no anger, nothing. I was completely numb. This was _never_ a good thing for me. It was always the calm just before the storm. I can't go in there alone. I turned to find Jake making his way up to me. I smiled timidly as he gripped my hand and gave it a squeeze. He looked me in my eyes and said,

"I'm with you all the way." And gave a warm smile.

I smiled back. These were the times I loved Jake the most.

I gestured to my attire. "So, how do I look?" I asked. It was a dumb question I'll admit, but I really didn't want to go in that house so I was stalling in any way possible. So I said the thing people in those movies say all the time. You know when they meet someone for the first time or see someone they haven't seen in years. I continued rambling in my head until I heard something that caught me off guard.

"You're beautiful."

I immediately stopped breathing.

It wasn't what he said but it was how he said it that had my mind reeling. It almost sounded as if it had a double meaning to it. I downcast my eyes, becoming interested in my black converses all of a sudden. Involuntarily, I squeezed his hand tighter. He must have taken that as a sign because his free hand came under my chin and forced me to look at him. When our eyes locked my heart started racing. I not sure what he saw in my eyes, but what I saw in his made me uncomfortable. His eyes were laced with lust, adoration….and love. Not the kind of love you have for a friend, but a rather passionate soul consuming love you have for your significant other. He used his free hand to caress my cheek.

I let out a shaky breath.

Now it was his turn to become interested in his shoes.

"When this is over"……he looked back up at me…… "And you get settled in; will you come with me to La Push?"

I didn't give an answer. To be honest, I was a little afraid of what might happen if I did go.

"If you don't want to go that's fine. I was just asking because Paul, and Leah really want to see you." I must've had confusion written all over my face because he laughed. "Despite what you think Phoenix, I not the only one who's missed you." He confirmed.

"Oh." I said lamely.

"So…. Is that a yes?" he urged.

"Okay." I surrender.

"Great!" Jake beamed.

"Now can we go inside?"

I sighed.

"Eh, what the hell might as well get it over with." I declared. And with that we made our way into the house.

He we go.


	6. important please read

**Guys I'm starting to feel a little discouraged about this fanfic. I've got this feeling that you guys aren't really that interested in it. I mean a lot of people read it but I only received like 2 reviews. If you guys don't like it tell me so I can stop writing it. I'm already about to start work on my second fanfic so if the first on isn't really that good I can chalk this up to a loss and concentrate entirely on the new fanfic. If u want me to keep going let me know what you guys think of the story.**


	7. CUT THE SHIT

**This chapter is a little short sorry. But you'll get more insight on Phoenix and Charlie relationship. There's a little dry humor in this chapter too. Plus how Pheonix really feels about her fathers hatred towards her. ENJOY PEOPLE (WOULD LIKE REVIEW)**

"Charlie!" Jake screamed as we walked inside.

"Be down in a minute!" Charlie's voice echoed through the house.

Making me shiver with disgust. It fell silent after that, so I took the liberty of scanning the room. To my surprise and utter dismay everything was still the same. Same worn black leather couches, same worn matching carpet, same TV. Hell even the atmosphere was still the same. That same dead quiet that always ran through this house. That same cold unwelcoming feel was still in this house. I can't remember ever feeling welcomed in this house. Can't remember the last time I was happy or loved. The only two feelings I can remember feeling were hostility and rage. Oh god, so much rage. It was a wonder why it didn't consume me sooner then it did.

"Sorry I took so long. I was just freshening up a little bit." Charlie's voice stabbed through my thoughts.

I looked up to see the devil himself staring right at me. I instinctively let go of Jake's hand and took a step back. With the coldest stare I could muster planted sternly on my face. I know I promised Jake I'd be good, but dammit if he knew everything he would understand my automatic reaction.

"Phoenix." Jake started but Charlie cut him off.

"Jake let me handle this." The devil said calmly. Too calm for my liking. He's up to something. I could tell by his posture it was hard for him too keep this act up. He took a step towards me but this time I stood my ground. "Phoenix I know you have every right to hate me, I just want you to know that I regret everything that happened." He took another step towards me, but still I didn't move. He wants to play this game, fine, I can play this game too, I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose it in front of Jacob.

"Are you really sorry?" I said in the saddest voice I could manage. Jake didn't see this but I did. A look of shock and frustration plagued Charlie's face. He wasn't expecting me to play along. I had to put my head down to hide the smirk that was threatening to spread across my face.

"Yes I mean it, you're my daughter." He was now in front of me. "Sending you away was the biggest mistake of my life." He placed his hand on my shoulder. _'Oh this bastard is_ _playing dirty'_ I thought as I fought to keep from pulling away. "I want us to start over and try to build a relationship with one another" he finished. Now looking me dead in the eyes. I looked over his shoulder too meet Jakes approving stare. My eyes came back to Charlie as he was waiting for me to blow.

Not this time.

I let out a fake cry and threw my arms around his neck and buried my face into his chest. I began to fake sob. I felt him stiffen under me as he was reluctant to return the hug. But he did anyway being he had to keep up the pretense. "Oh daddy I've waited for this for so long!" Ugh that left a bad taste in my mouth. But it had to be done. "Me too Phoenix, me too. He said.

We stood their in the disgusting embrace for a minute, then I broke away to looked at Jake, who was beaming from ear to ear. I should've been pissed but I wasn't, I expected as much. Jake was always the gullible one out of me and Izzy. Taking everything at face value and never questioning anyone's motives. Sometimes I envied Jake for that. Always so trusting and loving, never thinking that anyone's out to hurt anyone. And then there were times I just wanted to smack the shit out of him. Force him to see how the world really works. He had no idea just how dark and cold the world could be.

"Jake?" I said.

"Yeah Nix."

"Can you give me and my dad a minute please?" I asked.

"Sure no problem. I'll go get your bags from the car." And with that he walked passed us and out the door.

The moment that door closed, my sweet smile turned into a grimace. But his sick smile stayed on. "Wow!" he exclaimed. Someone has been taking acting classes."

I scoffed. "Cut the shit Charlie what do you want from me?" I said coldly. Jake was gone for the moment, their was no reason for me to be pretend anymore. He put his hand to his chest feigning hurt. "Now is that any way to treat your dear old dad? But really though bravo on the acting, I mean it, I honestly didn't expect you to last that long without losing your cool. Maybe sending you away was good for you." He laughed. He laughed! I don't see a damn thing funny. I glared at him. I felt my control slipping. Charlie wasn't making this any easier on me. "Charlie the fact that you're insulting me is going to cause me to do something I _really_ don't want to do." I retorted.

He seemed shocked by the revelation of the fact that I don't wish death on him. To tell you the truth so am I. for as long as I could remember I've hated Charlie. His demise would've made my life so much easier. But there were three reasons why I never wanted that. One, as much as I hated this fact, Izzy loved Charlie. Even though a part of her hated him for what did to me, he was still _her _dad. Two, even though I can barely remember their ever being such a time, their was an actual time where I loved Charlie. Last but not least, I may be a lot of things, and I'm capable of doing hurtful things and feel absolutely nothing afterwards, but I'm not a killer.

"What do you mean you don't _want _to? You hate me and I hate you, we both know that. It could all be over right now and you're fighting against it…….why?" He looked at me incredulously.

I don't know what hurt the most. The fact that he just admitted that he hates me, or that he honestly thinks I'm capable of purposely hurting someone. Well, I can't say I'm not capable because I am, but I wouldn't

"Charlie I'm not a murderer." I responded in a low voice. Trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall.

He laughed humorlessly. "Yeah I know someone who would beg to differ with you on that."

My head shot up.

"That was an accident and you know it!" I hissed.

Charlie was about to say something but just then Jake came back inside with my bags in tow. "Jesus Nix what do you have in these things, bricks!?" He said while laughing. His laugh was cut short as he took in the seen. "Is everything alright?" He asked, looking at Charlie then sending me an accusing glare. I glared right back. How dare he automatically assume it was my fault? Asshole.

"Everything's fine Jake, just take Phoenix's things up to her room please? And wait for her to come up." Charlie asked. Jake never taking his accusing eye off me, simply nodded his head and headed upstairs. Charlie watched him go upstairs and then turned his attention back to me. His eyes were dead cold.

"Look Charlie if you hate me so much then why am I here?" I whispered not wanting Jake to hear me.

He just stood there, expression unchanged.

"Let's just leave it up in the air for now….he turned his attention to the stairs then looked backed at me….. You should go upstairs and get settled in." And with that he turned and walked toward the kitchen.

As soon as he was out of site I broke down. I fell to my knees and let the tears flow forth.


	8. still mental? doesn't matter

**For those of you who seemed to be confused about why I chose the name Phoenix for the character and why she has gold flakes in her eyes its all coming up in later chapters. I'm not going to explain it in these chapters because it will just be too much for the beginning. But I promise everything will make sense later. Yes I do know what a lemon is and I'm aware there are no lemons so far but there will be, with both Jacob and Edward (and then some) you just have to be patient I'm not going to put a lemon in every chapter just to get people to read, this story isn't just about sex. And for those who think I should edit the character, I can't do that. That's who Phoenix is. She speaks her mind and she doesn't hold anything back. She doesn't care what people think of her or how she acts, she does what she does and she does it well. Keep in mind she is the way she is for a reason. But thank you for your constructive criticism I do appreciate it. **

**P.S. Most of this chapter is in Jacobs POV. This chapter is for you Jacob fans, it shows just how devoted he is to Phoenix.**

I made my way up to the stairs to my new/old room. Not that I was really looking forward to Jacob chastising me but I would rather listen to him nag then stay downstairs a blubbering mess. As soon as I opened my door Jake was standing there burning a hole in my head.

"Here we go." I said rolling my eyes.

"You're damned right here we go. Phoenix, why do you make things harder for yourself then they have to be. Are trying to sabotage yourself here?!" he exclaimed now towering over me. Even though this was a serious moment I couldn't help but find this side of Jake attractive. So instead of coming back with a sharp rebuttal, I let out a soft whimper. `Wow, what a comeback Phoenix` I scolded myself silently. I think Jake took that as a sign of fear because he quickly backed up, which I was glad for because I was this close to jumping him right here. What can I say; lust has always been one of my _many_ vices. But it's not like that with Jake, I love him as a friend, I care for him as more then a friend, but deep down I know we'll never work. Don't get me wrong Jake would be good for me, but our relationship would be ill fated. Besides, I'm too self destructive to be with someone as good as Jake. He deserves someone who will love him the way I'm starting to think he loves me. And that's something I know I can't do.

"Jake, I seriously don't have the patience to deal with you right now, so can you please just drop it." I pleaded as nicely as I could but I still sounded annoyed. As surprising as that was, I didn't really care. That little confrontation between Charlie and me drained and I'm afraid of what I might do if Jake pisses me off. So it's best if we drop the subject completely.

I brush passed him and started to unpack.

I heard him scoff.

"Bella must be turning in her grave" he said to me.

I stiffened.

"What did you just say?"

**Jacob (POV)**

As soon as I said that I knew I had crossed the line. Her body tensed and she went completely still.

"What did you just say?" her tone was cold and emotionless.

I wasn't about to let up.

"You heard me-."she cut me off.

"No say it again Jake…she stormed over to me… say it to my face!" she yelled.

Her body was now shaking uncontrollably.

"I…I…I." I stammered

She didn't give me a chance to respond before she went off.

"FUCK YOU JAKE!" "You don't know shit about how Izzy would feel. You don't know anything. You walk around here lecturing me on how I should give Charlie another chance and you don't know what the hell the situation is. You don't know Charlie the way I do. And the fact that you talk about him like he's a fucking god is makes me sick. All that shit you hear about Charlie being a loving father and ideal citizen is all propaganda."

Now she was fuming.

I didn't know how to respond to her statement. Mostly because I was surprised she was talking to me this way. She's never been this way with me before.

"Phoenix, you need to calm down." I said trying to diffuse the situation.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" she snapped.

"Look I know your upset and all but-."

"Stop talking to me like you know me! You don't know anything about me. You don't know who I am, what I've been through, all the shit that's happened to me that has brought me to this point-!"

Phoenix stopped cold and a look of fear crossed her face. She grabbed the sides of her head and let out a blood curdling scream as she collapsed to the floor.

Panic stricken I just stood there. Not knowing what was happening.

"JAKE GET OUT OF HERE!" she screamed.

That snapped me out of my daze. I hurried to her side and knelt beside her.

"I'm not going anywhere." I said in a stern voice.

"Jake please I don't want to hurt you." She pleaded.

Did she really think I was going to leave her like this? I wasn't going anywhere, not without her. Doesn't she understand that?

"I'm not leaving-." I started but she interrupted.

"I SAID GO!" she turned to her head to look at me.

What I saw made me stop breathing. Her eyes were completely black. Not like the flash I saw earlier at the airport, they were darker somehow. Demonic even.

Charlie came busting through the door.

"What the hell is with all the racket!?" he bellowed.

His eyes landed on Phoenix, who was still screaming in pain.

"Charlie what's happening to her!?" I screamed on the brink of tears. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to watch her like this. The love of my life was on the floor screaming in agony and I couldn't help her. I felt so helpless.

I looked at Phoenix then looked back at Charlie. Who didn't seem at all surprised nor scared. Actually he seemed indifferent, uncaring even. Here lays his daughter screaming and carrying on in pain and he's just sitting here? Am I missing something crucial here?

"Jake I think you should go." Charlie said.

"What!?" "Charlie I can't leave, not while she's like this, I can't."

A look of curiosity crossed his face, and then quickly vanished.

"Listen I know you're concerned and I appreciate that, but trust I will explain later, right now the best thing you can do for her is leave." He said calmly.

I just shook my head. There was no way I was leaving.

"Jake he's right just leave please." She let out another scream.

I looked up at Charlie, he just nodded.

I looked back at Phoenix and put my forehead to hers. I stared into her cold black eyes.

"I'll be back you hear me? I swear I will."

A little dramatic, yes, but I had to let her know this wasn't the end. Earlier I told her I was with her all the way. I meant that. Whatever this was happening to her doesn't change anything. I knew that whatever it was wasn't natural, I knew there was something wrong, seriously wrong; maybe she wasn't ready to be released from that hospital. Maybe she still needs help. Whatever it is I don't care. I love her no matter what. Besides, I'm in no position to judge anyway, I mean come on when I get mad I erupt into a ball of fur. So what if she has a slight meltdown.

I kissed her on her head then stood up. As I walked out I gave Charlie a _'you better explain this to me later' _look. He just gave one nod as I closed the door behind me. As I walked down the hall I could still hear her screaming.

//

//

//

//

//

**So guys what do you think is wrong with Phoenix? Is it a mental problem like Jake thinks? Or does Phoenix and Charlie have a little secret of there own? Maybe they're not as oblivious to the supernatural as Jake thinks. It's all coming up in the next chapters. Thanks for reading. Review please.**


	9. love u not

**The beginning of this chapter is the previous chapter in Phoenix's (POV), and then the rest is different. It gives you a hint of what Charlie knows about what Phoenix is. **

In the middle of screaming at Jake my vision started to go red. I felt an all too familiar burn course through my fingers. It quickly started to rise to my throat and behind my eyes. I looked at Jake, not hiding the fear that was starting to overcome me. _'Oh god no, not Jake' _I thought silently. I grabbed the sides of my head, and then out of no where a crippling pain shot through my body and I collapsed to the floor with a scream. The pain was excruciating. Like being stabbed with thousands of hot pokers at once. I continued to scream and thrash on the floor as Jake looked on in shock. This wasn't the same as before. It wasn't as painful or surprising. I've gotten madder over bigger things and I was able to control it. Now it was stronger, more powerful, and ready to do some serious damage. I looked at Jake out of my peripheral who was still frozen in place.

"JAKE GET OUT OF HERE!" I screamed. I couldn't risk hurting Jake. As bad as I wanted him to stay with me I knew it wasn't safe for him to be near me right now. Even though most likely he wouldn't want to after witnessing this. He probably thinks I'm nuts.

A look of disbelief plagued his face as the shock faded away.

He scrambled to my side.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said defiantly.

I continued to squirm in pain but I refused to scream.

"Jake please I don't want to hurt you." It was meant to sound harsh but it came out as a plea.

"I'm not leaving-."

I cut him off.

"I SAID GO!" I yelled as I turned my head towards him.

Jesus does this kid have a death wish? Doesn't he understand by his staying here I could kill him? _'You idiot, he doesn't know what you are remember?' _my inner self reminded me. It was right; if Jake knew what I was he wouldn't be standing here. He would've run for the hills a long time ago. We would've never developed this friendship that I cherish so much. In his eyes I would've be an abomination. An outrage against nature.

I heard the door bust open.

"What the hell is with all the racket?!"

Even though my back was to the door I knew it was Charlie. Besides the fact that he was the only one in the house besides me and Jake, I knew that voice from any where.

Not being able to fight it anymore I let out another string of screams.

"Charlie what's happening to her?!" Jake screamed in a choked voice.

Oh my god is he crying? He's not afraid of me? He doesn't think I'm a freak?

There was an awkward silence in the room. I didn't want to look at Jake again because I didn't want to risk catching a glimpse of Charlie's expression. I knew all too well what emotions were on his face. Not the emotions of a father concerned for his daughters well being I assure you.

"Jake I think you should go." He said in an emotionless tone.

"What?!" "Charlie I can't leave, not while she's like this, I can't."

"Listen I know you're concerned and I appreciate that, but trust I will explain later, right now the best thing you can do for her is leave." He calmly said.

That whole statement was bullshit. What he really wanted to say was, _'Jake if you want to live I suggest you go'._ But I guess what he said works too.

"Jake he's right, please leave." I said now looking at him.

I was going to say more but I let out another scream.

He looked at Charlie then looked back at me.

He put his forehead to mine and looked me in my eyes.

"Ill be back you hear me? I swear I will."

Wow, what's with the theatrics? I suddenly feel like I'm on an episode of General Hospital. My Jake; quite the sap.

He placed a tender kiss on my forehead and made his way out the room, but not before giving Charlie a scowl. Once he left out the room I let out another scream. Unfortunately that brought me to Charlie's attention. His indifferent stare now a look of disgust.

He snorted.

"Look at you. You haven't been here a whole twenty- four hours and already you almost killed someone? You make me sick." He hissed at me.

I didn't say anything. I just laid there and took the abuse. I don't know how he does it; but somehow he manages to make me feel like a helpless kid whenever he gets like this.

"Do you realize what you almost did just now!? You almost killed your best friend!

You almost killed the only person in this world dumb enough to give a damn about you!" He screamed angrily.

I winced at his words. He was right. I almost killed Jake tonight without even trying to. I was a danger to him and everyone around me. I shouldn't have come back.

I broke out in tears.

"I'm sorry Charlie. I didn't mean to loose control it just happened. It was easier to control before now it's different. It's getting stronger and harder to stop. I can't stop it. I can't slow it down." I said while sobbing. I couldn't believe I was apologizing to him. After everything _I'm_ the one who's apologizing? Wow I think Jake has actually gotten to me.

He didn't say anything for awhile.

The he sighed.

"I guess your powers are developing faster then I thought they would." He said finally.

I felt my eyes go wide.

"What?"

He didn't seem to here me, he seemed lost in thought.

"Charlie?!"

He looked at me then.

"I-I-I-I don't understand, w-w-what are you saying?" I stammered. I couldn't believe it. He knew. He knew what was happening to me and he never told me. That malicious bastard.

"I'm saying your training will have to start sooner then expected."

I got up off the floor.

"Training?"

"Yeah training." He answered

That did it. I didn't even think, before I knew it my fist connected with his jaw and he went soaring through the air and hit the wall. He crumbled to the floor and moaned in pain. I just stood there staring at my hands in shock. Not only was I surprised by my strength, but at how good it felt. I've never felt such a rush. This was better than any high I've ever had.

I looked at Charlie who was still on the floor holding his jaw.

"Yep, way faster then I thought." He spoke.

"What the fuck Charlie?!!! Why didn't you tell me? Why would you not tell me what was going on? Do you have any idea how freaked out I was through the years? I had no idea what was happening to me. I mean I knew I wasn't normal and everything, but god why didn't you tell me what I was?"

He gathered himself off the floor.

"That's because I _don't_ know what you are."

"Stop lying!" I screamed.

"I'm not lying; all I know is that when you're plagued with any type of negative emotion you can make things happen."

He rubbed his jaw. "And pack one hell of a punch." He added.

"Are you seriously making jokes right now?" I asked in disbelief.

"Not intentionally."

I don't believe this. Here I am searching for answers and he's trying to make jokes. I can't deal with this I need to leave. Even though he didn't say much what he did say was enough to throw me for a loop.

I made my way towards the door.

"Where do you think your going?" Charlie asked.

"This is too much I have to get out."

I didn't wait for a response I just left.

Once outside I realized I had stop breathing and took in a well needed gulp of air. My temples were pulsing as the blood rushed to my head. I couldn't think straight. I had no idea what to do with the little information Charlie gave me. What did this mean? What do I do now? Where do I go from here? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? All these questions just kept repeating itself over and over in my head. Not once did I find an answer for any of them.

I looked up into the sky.

I smiled slightly.

"Twilight." I said to no one. It was always my favorite time of the day.

"Nix." I heard someone whisper.

I turned my head slightly, not sure if I was hearing things or not.

"Nixie!!!" the voice got louder.

I turned more and saw someone standing in the woods right by the house.

"Jake?"

He stepped out more.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, walking towards him.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"For a while now." He said nonchalantly.

I laughed humorlessly.

"You never left." I accused. I should've known he wouldn't listen.

He shook his head.

"I wasn't leaving you. I may not have been as close as I wanted to be, but at least I didn't abandon you completely."

I put my hand on his face.

"Jake, you didn't abandon me, I wanted you to leave. You didn't need to see me like that." I said trying to make him feel better.

He seemed doubtful, but he didn't argue.

Our eyes met. I felt that same uneasy feeling I felt when this happened earlier. He had that same look in his eyes. That heart wrenching look.

He took my hand off his face and held it tightly.

He takes his other hand and rubs his thumb over my lips.

"If you can't love someone at there worst, how can you love them at there best?"

He didn't give me a chance to respond before his lips were on mine. At first I didn't kiss him back but after a couple of seconds I got into it. Our lips moved together perfectly. The more we got into it the more urgent it became. It wasn't necessarily a need but a hunger or yearning. The heat that radiated off of him was almost unbearable but I didn't care. I felt his tongue beg for access which I gladly granted with a moan. Unfortunately the more I got into it the more I knew this was a mistake. The more we kissed the more I realized that what I was feeling was raw passion and not love. At least not that type of love.

I pulled away from him gasping for air.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you couldn't breathe." I Jake said sheepishly.

"No, no, it's okay, that's not why I pulled away." I said.

"Then what's wrong?" He asked hesitantly.

I turned away from him then. I knew what I was about to say would kill him, but it had to be said. I can't have Jake believing in something that isn't real. I don't want him to feel like we could ever have a chance when I know that isn't true. I just can't look at him during. This is painful for me just to say, I can only imagine what it will feel like for him.

"Phoenix?" He urged.

I didn't answer.

"Phoenix?!" he said louder.

I still didn't look.

I felt the heat radiating off his body as he walked up behind me. He grabbed my shoulder forcefully and turned me to face him. He grabbed my chin forcefully.

"I don't love you the way you love me." I blurted out.

His eyes became hard and cold as he let me go and stepped back. The traitor tears I was holding back flowed freely now. I've never seen him look at me that way before.

"I'm sorry-." He cut me off.

"Why did you kiss me?" He said in a flat tone.

I was silent for a while.

"I care for you Jake, really I do, but we just wouldn't work." I said honestly.

His eyes softened a little. I guess he figured at least I feel something for him.

"I don't understand if you care for me why can't we make this happen?" He gestured between us.

"I'm not the same person I was before I left Jake. I've been gone for the past ten years. I've seen things and done things you couldn't even begin to understand. There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me and I'm afraid of what it would do to our friendship if we ever broke up. I don't want to lose you." I said now crying.

"You're all I have." I finished.

It was true; nothing would be the same between us if this ended badly.

"I don't care about what's happened in your past, all I care about is now and after." Jake confessed.

"Jake you're not listening to me."

"That's just it I am listening to you and it sounds to me that you're afraid of how I would look at you if I found out about your past. But I _promise _you; there could be no such thing that would make ever turn my back on you."

He sounded so sincere. I honestly think he meant what he's saying. But nevertheless I can't let him get to me.

"Jake I don't deserve you. You need someone who will love you the way that you love me. Someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated I-I-I can't do any of that." I was trying my hardest not to cry. But how can you not cry when you're tearing out the heart of your best and only friend?

"But you care for me in that way right?" he asked smugly.

'Whoa that wasn't expected' I thought to myself. He was right. I do care for him in that way, but I don't see myself ever feeling more than that. So do I tell him the truth or should I lie?

I've never lied to Jake; and I don't plan on starting now.

"Yes I care for you in that way but that doesn't change anything." I said sternly.

The pain that flashed in his eyes made me regret the last part. It seemed all the color was drained from his face. Like he had died instantly.

I fought back tears.

"Jake, lis-." He stormed off.

"Jake wait!" I called after him. I didn't want him to leave. Not like this.

He didn't.

**(NOTE: this flashback is the continuance of the flashback from chapter 5)**

(Flashback)….10 years ago

"_If anything it's you who's a danger to her." He said with a smile._

_I felt my heart drop down to my knees. Just when I thought my fathers' games couldn't get any sicker. Just when I thought he's done everything possible to hurt me he goes and plays the sister card. He knew I would do anything for Izzy. He knew I would go to hell and back for her. Did he honestly think I would do anything to hurt Izzy? I would die before I ever hurt her._

"_You can't force me to hurt Izzy" I said more defiant then I've ever been._

_I was convinced I had the upper hand this time around._

"_Who said I was going to make you hurt Bella?" He asked._

"_You just said-." He cut me off._

"_I said that you were the one who's a danger to her. In other words if you don't cooperate, Bella suffers the consequences." _

_I stared at him wide-eyed as what he said sunk in. He knew whenever I had a 'job' to do I was less then cooperative. Whenever that happened I was punished. Now he was raising the stakes. If I resisted it wouldn't be me who received the punishment………it was Izzy._

_Don't do this_


End file.
